The Twilight Zone. This is the place you enter when there is no other sensible space to be in. I did not have a clue on that day, May 4, 2011, just what awaited me.
Angels and high tech machines and medicine that destroyed every cell in my body and mental anguish that I did not dare to acknowledge; these were my acquaintances. I hated myself more than I hated the disease. I would stand out on my deck in the warm summer night and shake my fist at the Universe. I combed through all of my memories; trying to identify what it was I had done to deserve this brutal punishment. I would sit in my car for hours, watching healthy people living their lives and wonder why I had been so heartlessly cast out of the only world I had ever known. I prayed to my mother and my father and to the God I now detested; begging one of them to please, please end the nightmare and allow me to wake up from this tragic dream I was trapped in; this Twilight Zone. I apologized to every star in the sky and I admitted to every transgression. If the person or persons responsible for this prank or this scheme would just release me, I would hold no grudges; I wanted to return to the world.
Reality finally pushed through and I faced 25 sessions of radiation, along with a regime of Xeloda, a chemotherapy drug taken orally. I had a very successful surgery to remove the tumor that was followed by two months of even more chemotherapy: a mixture of three chemotherapy drugs given to me in the form of infusion. On my right shoulder, I have a PowerPort installed that allows the chemotherapy medicine to be administered much more easily and safely. This port will stay with me for the next two years.
Stage II Rectal Cancer and a T3 tumor that had not spread to any lymph nodes or to any other part of my body; this was my diagnosis. The radiation and chemotherapy pre-surgery shrunk the tumor to less than half its original size. I am assured that all of the cancer is now gone and there is an 80 percent chance I will never have a recurrence.
God never turned His back on me. I experienced miracles! As for those angels I have met, well, they are radiation therapists, general medical doctors and their staff, oncologists, nurses, surgeons, and fellow cancer survivors. And yes, there are also those who did not survive; they are my mentors.
While receiving one of four radiation beams on a warm day in late July of 2011, I decided to bring one of my dreams to fruition and writing this column is that dream. Cancer may change us but it does not define us. I ask all of you who read my words to schedule your colon cancer screening today. Do this for yourself and for those you love.
Editor’s Note: Belinda Wilcox Ouellette has lived in the Caribou area for all of her 56 years. She presently lives in Connor TWP. with her husband Dale and their Goldendoodle Barney. They are currently working on building a home in Caribou. You may contact Belinda online at dbwouellette@maine.rr.com.
