Cup O’ Joe – A new year, new resolution

New Years’ Eve spurs many to reflect on events of the past year and to look ahead to the prospects of a brighter new year. It’s also a time when many of us take a closer look at how we live our lives, and how we may try to improve them. Some call these resolutions. I call them set ups for failure.
    Oh sure, there are many wonderful, much-needed resolves that people can and should make. Losing weight, quitting smoking, spending more time with family, and getting out of debt are all well deserved plans.
Unfortunately, statistics show that very few of us actually achieve these lofty expectations. About 40-45 percent of adult Americans make some type of New Year’s resolution. And if you believe everything you read on the Internet, only 75 percent of those who make resolutions make it past the first week, and only 46 percent last more than six months.
Every year, I have tried to come up with some awe-inspiring resolutions, which usually involved some master plan of me doing more exercise, giving up soda or some other grand scheme.
And every year that plan fails miserably.
My goal last year was to get in better shape for my 20th high school reunion. No problem, right? Only it never happened. No gym membership, no weight lifting, no dieting (yeah, right).
It’s the same every year. “I’ll start tomorrow,” I keep telling myself. Why beat myself up over another failed attempt, if it’s only going to fail in the end?
Sure it probably would have helped if I actually went to a gym to workout, but that’s beside the point.
Therefore, my resolution plan for 2010 is to do the opposite. Instead of formulating a plan for doing more exercise, I’m shooting to do less … if that’s possible. It’s the opposite plan.
Hey, it worked for George Costanza in “Seinfeld,” so why not me? It’s the perfect plan that’s guaranteed not to fail. No more disappointments. And if by some miracle that this plan too fails, and I happened to actually exercise just a little, it will be like an added bonus.
A few other sure-fired resolves I’m going to try this year are: eat more pizza; play more video games; drink more soda; and watch more sports on television. (I have to justify the big television and HD purchases I made don’t I?)
The way I figure it, since all resolutions ultimately fail, there’s a good chance these will too, which actually will be beneficial for me. So, why not have some fun in the process?
Joseph Cyr is a staff writer for the Houlton Pioneer Times. He can be reached at pioneertimes@nepublish.com.