Legalized mayhem
To the editor:
I sympathize with all those that have been affected by the legalizing of LID’s (loud incendiary devices) and would love to share a quiet glass of wine with you … that is if we can find a place where a bunch of “Patriots” is not loudly re-enacting the battle of Fort McHenry in Baltimore Harbor in 1812. And all the way into August!
It makes me wish that Johann Strauss had been there that fateful night instead of Francis Scott Key. Even Little Richard! Half the people who perform our National Anthem already sing “Tooti-frooti-all-arooti, a wop bop a loo bop a wam bam boom” or something similar when they can’t remember the words.
My very large dog has caused at least $600 worth of damage to my camp including demolishing my Jimmy Buffet Margarita Maker when he tried to escape the noise by trying to make a “cave” under the kitchen sink. The damage occurred on a weeknight in late July when I was out for the evening and foolishly assumed that the fireworks were over for the season as in previous years.
When fireworks were illegal there was a nice balance – an unwritten “Détente” tolerated by most and kept to a reasonable level by their very illegalilty. It was nice when we at least had a “trump” card.
Now, thanks to the Gov it is not only legal, it is your right to annoy folks, traumatize dogs and cats, stampede wildlife, set your roof or your neighbor’s roof afire or blow your fingers clean off by trying to dry out your wet fireworks with a torch!
But if a concern for mere humans will fall on deaf ears, how about this? A friend of mine, University of Maine biology professor Biff Van Helsing, has told me that the percussive shock waves of fireworks have a very harmful effect on the already dismal romantic opportunities of bats! And female bats get enough headaches as it is! He further informs me that bat “Spring Break” occurs in early July. As soon as the Greenies get wind of this we will see some action. Look at the Furbish Lousewort for example. This homely and totally useless plant was instrumental in the demise of the multi-million dollar Dickey Dam project on the Saint John River in the late ‘50s. So there is still hope.
Nathan White
Ashland
