HOULTON, Maine — Last Wednesday in Monument Park, the Hope and Justice Project held its annual domestic violence awareness vigil called “Talk It Up” Houlton.
Facing Military Street in the park is the Peace Pole.
It was pointed out that the monument stood for peace in the home, community and world. But, it all starts within the home.
“We meet here each year to honor and remember victims of domestic violence,” said Chief Deputy Darrell Crandall. “We do this because it is the right thing to do. For many of us, it is also because we feel we have so much left to do and need this fellowship of like-minded people who have a passion for preventing future tragedies.”
Crandall could not answer the question of “why” it has taken society so long to embrace victims and denounce offenders.
“Events like this, help change that,” he said. “The Sheriff’s office has intervened and investigated some very serious incidents this year. We had cases involving victims being held against their will and assaulted for hours … even cases where victims were repeatedly choked unconscious and several assaults where the report of the crime was prevented. With all of this tragedy, it is sometimes hard to see the positive things that are going on.”
Crandall also announced that the Sheriff’s Department received a $67,000 grant to fund a domestic violence detective position for 2015. Lt. Ross McQuade, a former domestic violence detective, is chairing the Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Task Force and a deputy sheriff has been assigned to be part of the Department of Homeland Security’s Human Trafficking Task Force.
“I said last year at this event we still have a lot to do,” said Crandall. “And, unfortunately, that is still true. However, I believe together we are headed in a very positive direction and that we have some of the most honest and effective cross-disciplinary partnerships in New England, right here, in Aroostook County.”
After a 17-person skit performed by students from the Carleton Project and Houlton High School, along with several community members, Lt. John Cote of the Maine State Police spoke.
“As professionals from the fields of law enforcement, social services, advocate groups, prosecutors and judges, we have all strived to work together and educate ourselves on domestic violence and all its intricacies,” Cote explained. “Our individual actions, as well as our team approach, have resulted in a much more effective response to assist victims and hold offenders accountable.
“We have become better educated about the root cause of domestic violence and have a better understanding of the role of our partner agencies, as we all strive to keep Aroostook County a safe place for families and children to live,” he added.
Even though there have been gains in the area of domestic violence, Cote said no one should “sit back and stop the self-assessments and internal examinations that will help recognize areas where we still fall short.”
The goal is to continue educating victims and their families about how destructive and debilitating life within the domestic violence realm can be.
“No one should experience a life where threats, coercion, intimidation and violence are part of a ‘normal’ day,” the Troop F commander said. “We have all heard the expression that ‘children learn what they live.’ If that is the case, then children raised in a home where domestic violence rules, are learning to become the next generation of victims, and maybe even the next generation of abusers. Working together with our partners and other members of the community, we need to continue trying to break down the walls of separation and isolation that allow abusers to control their victims and make them believe the life they live is normal and acceptable.”
Cote ended by saying, “protecting victims and holding abusers accountable is a responsibility that falls to every member of our community.”
The amphitheater served as the background with purple wooden ribbons spread in front, with candles illuminating each ribbon, depicting those Maine residents who have lost their lives to domestic violence.
The somber remembrance was further emphasized when the names of each victim of 2014 was read and a person blew out a candle representing their life was followed by a moment of silence.
Kari Bradstreet then took the mic and told her story of physical, mental, verbal and emotional abuse.
“I submerged myself into my work to avoid abuse and home,” she said. “But, some abuse was redirected to my son at this time.”
Though she wanted to leave, Bradstreet was scared about failure, living alone, her abuser’s reaction and then just back to being afraid. She put on a strong façade, but inside, she was frightened.
As her abuser’s rage intensified, Bradstreet did not report the threats because she always thought it would get better.
But, it did not.
When Bradstreet finally took a stand, her abuser was enraged.
“His eyes became black, rage on his face, he tore things off the wall throwing them around,” she related. “I was scared, nervous and uncertain.”
She locked herself in the bathroom, called 9-1-1 and texted her family for help.
Her abuser was arrested. But, Bradstreet was internally paralyzed. Her abuser filed for divorce April 2009 and became the man she thought she knew. He co-parented their son, had good communication and overall a better relationship. In July 2010, the divorce was final.
Three days after the divorce, the onslaught of intimidation and threats began all over again.
“He was enraged with my independence,” Bradstreet said. “He verbally attacked my family and myself. In September, he broke into my house.”
The perpetrator continued to break into her home when she was not there, moving items, even though the locks were changed several times. He drove by her home, slowing down. Her tires were slashed. His terrorization continued. The breaking point came in January 2011. He called Bradstreet and then denied the action and was arrested for stalking. While in jail, he approached another inmate to pay him to kill her. The inmate worked with detectives and wore a recording device, while engaged in conversation with the accused.
“He gave detailed information on my schedule, location, a hand drawn map of the interior of my home,” recalled Bradstreet. “He told the inmate to make it look like a robbery and take anything he wanted from the house. He was to shoot me two times to make sure I was dead. Tie up my son and it would be OK if our autistic son got knocked out or ‘chocked out.’ He was then instructed to take my son to my parents’ home after the murder was finished.
“The man I laid my head down beside for 15 years conspired to murder,” she added.
Bradstreet’s abuser pled guilty a day before a jury trial.
“His attorney correlated my abuser’s actions to 22 minutes of bad decisions in his life,” Bradstreet said.
Bradstreet got the support she needed and has rebuilt her life. In April 2013, her abuser was sentenced.
Four years of hell, fear, tears, screams, hurts, pains, anger, loneliness, bitterness and hopelessness she said, has turned her from a victim to a survivor.
“My story will always be a part of me, but it will never define me,” she said. “Domestic violence does not discriminate. It will affect you at some point, if it has not already. Speak up. Reach out. Get support. Don’t give in because it is easier. Get out because it is going to save your life or someone else’s life.”
