Slow process of social change
To the editor:
What do you say when one million people vote on your marriage? My wife Kate and I were first married in 1999 in a religious ceremony in front of our family and friends. When domestic partnership registries became available on the local and state levels, we enrolled. In 2004, we were legally married in Massachusetts. But until Nov. 6, 2012, all our commitments added up to one big zero in Maine.
Not everyone in Maine voted on my marriage. About 30 percent of eligible voters didn’t bother. Only 32 percent of our neighbors in Aroostook voted to recognize our relationship. As the election results rolled in, I joked with Kate that those who voted ‘No’ on Question 1 actually cared deeply about the stability of our relationship. Ironically, since we were married in Massachusetts but our own state did not recognize that legal union, we were unable to legally divorce unless one or both of us moved to Massachusetts. Now we can legally divorce anytime we want to! But after 13 years together, I don’t see divorce in the cards
I wasn’t sure I’d see marriage equality in my lifetime. We still have a ways to go, since the federal Defense of Marriage Act still means that we pay more tax on any benefits our marriage brings (health care for each other, for instance). I’ve never dared to believe that Kate and I can count on each other’s Social Security insurance in case of death or disability, since the federal law still prevents Social Security from honoring same-sex marriages. We’ll still be filing “single but sort of married” on our taxes. But seeing the support for equality in our state, I’m starting to believe I might see full equality in a time frame that makes a difference in my own life.
So what do I say to the voters of Maine? Thanks for voting. Thanks for publicly supporting equality. Thanks for listening to your friends, neighbors, and family members who are affected by discriminatory laws. Thanks for being patient and optimistic with the slow process of making social change. Thanks for treating my family with respect and dignity – as all of our Aroostook neighbors, however you voted, have done throughout Kate’s childhood in New Sweden and during the five years we have lived back in The County.
Erica Quin-Easter
Caribou
