When I was just beginning genealogy I did a lot of reading, (mostly magazine articles because the Internet was so young at the time). I got many great tips and it helped me to get on my feet and start collecting the right kinds of documents and organize my first notebooks. I learned that you need to begin with yourself. Write down all your pertinent information: birth, marriage, significant events, children, parents, siblings, and the dates and places that go with them. This gives you an idea of the kinds of information you will be collecting on your ancestors, and offers clues as to where you might look. The next step is to write down the same information for as many relatives as you can. The third step has always been the scariest part of my research — interviewing other people.
There were 10 children in my family, and most of our grandparents died young. Once the first half of the kids was born we became a mobile family and lived in four different states. I was the last child born, so by then we were an entity unto ourselves and seeing relatives was a rare occasion, and they certainly hadn’t come to talk to me! I was terrified when all the books suggested I should interview my relatives?! How presumptuous of me! All my fears and insecurities surfaced!
Research pays off, however. I was well-armed with questions my relative could not easily answer “yes” or “no.” I had absorbed some crucial techniques for working with delicate information. I quickly learned that most people when approached gently love to talk about their lives or the lives of their relatives. It is hard sometimes to keep them on the track you wish to follow, but sometimes those side trips are where the best gems are to be found.
So here in a nutshell (a very small nutshell) are a few hard-earned tips. If you don’t really know the relative well, start with a letter (yes people still write letters) explaining how you are related, that you are researching family history and hope to gather the names of all your relatives. Suggest a meeting in person if at all possible, at his or her convenience. Be on time! Be prepared with a list of questions you want to ask, but expect to get dragged off track. Do your best to record the conversation. Be gentle.
It may take many visits before your relative will speak freely, be patient. They simply may not understand what is helpful for you to know. They may have trouble remembering things until they have talked with you and thought about it. Usually, however, your hardest task will be to direct the conversation once they begin talking. It is critical that you be trustworthy and keep sensitive information private. You need to be faithful to the truth, but some information may need to be omitted from the records for years, and without that reassurance your relative may cease to cooperate. Finally, try to enjoy the process. The biggest benefit is that you will come to know your family better.
Editor’s note: Columnist Nina Brawn of Dover-Foxcroft, who has been doing genealogy for over 30 years, is a freelance genealogy researcher, speaker and teacher. Reader e-mails are welcome at ninabrawn@gmail.com. The Aroostook County Genealogical Society meets the fourth Monday of the month except in July and December at the Cary Medical Center’s Chan Education Center, 163 Van Buren Road, Caribou, at 6:30 p.m. Guests and prospective members are always welcome. FMI contact Edwin “J” Bullard at 492-5501.
