No room for Santa in a ‘politically correct’ world

To the editor:
    What started out as a conversation in jest with my mother about how there is a movement to get rid of Santa Claus, has turned into a full blown assault! Really?! If so, then I am leading the charge.
    Mother reported to me that she heard there is a group of feel good people who think that Santa is overweight and not a good role model for our young people. OK I thought. There is a lot more than weight that is going on with this individual in our oh, so politically correct world. Where shall I begin?
    I told my mother that I know for a fact that he smokes. Can you imagine? I have seen him with a pipe and in fact, he even smokes inside the house! What else? I am glad you asked. Santa should be declared unfit because he drinks whole milk instead of skim and indulges in every known sweet there is. What kind of diet is that?
    Oh, there is more. He has also been known to sip brandy because some homes leave out a little swig for the big, red man. Can you imagine? He drinks and drives! I think he parks illegally too! I know he cannot possibly do all he does without speeding! Does he have a license to drive this commercial vehicle? Does he have all the proper permits for interstate and intrastate transport? Didn’t he even run over someone’s Grandmother? What’s up with that?
    And worst of all, I heard he cheats. Some kid said they saw “Mommy kissing Santa Claus.”
    As a matter of fact, I think he breaks many local, state and international laws regarding exporting products and not clearing customs. Can this be true? What does NAFTA think about this? Speaking of his products and the exportation thereof, what about labor laws? Is his shop unionized? I don’t think so. Maybe it is even a sweatshop! Some of those elves look pretty young to me and I am wondering if they have proper working papers. What about shift differentials? What about the round-the-clock schedules they are forced to keep? This does not bode well for Santa.
    Could there be more you ask? I haven’t even gotten warmed up. I want to talk about those reindeer. I have seen him whip them and force them to haul excessive loads in the worst conditions. What do you think PETA should do?
    Taxpayers should be the most upset of all with this individual. NORAD spends so much money tracking him and his sleigh for numerous hours during Christmas. What about that? Those satellites could be used for much better purposes than this.
    Lastly, with all the talk about carbon foot printing and those climate hugging, green people out there, what about all that coal? I am not sure it burns cleanly and efficiently. There are lots of people out there in this world that have not been very nice this year and they will be receiving coal. What about that? It can’t be good for the environment.
    So, maybe we ought to think about getting rid of Santa. Why bother having this overweight, smoking, and lawbreaking guy in our lives?
    Next, maybe someone ought to start thinking about that poor, little baby who was born out in some shack over 2,000 years ago and put at risk by his parents. Maybe they’ll try to get rid of that too.
    I have to ask you. When did it change and when will it ever end? I say to all those politically correct individuals who want to feel good — “leave us alone!”
Kathleen Corey Rahme
Methuen, Mass.