Faith, traditions and domestic abuse
To the editor:
Domestic abuse and violence affects all of us, though often we are unaware of it.
In every church there are people who have in some way experienced abuse. They have either been the victim or have watched a loved one suffer at the hands of an abuser, often as a frightened child. It is likely that this experience will not only affect them physically and emotionally, but also spiritually.
For victims of abuse, religion can be a great resource, but abusers frequently distort religious beliefs to serve their purpose. There is nothing in scripture that condones the use of domestic abuse and violence, but religious traditions can serve to limit a victim’s sense of options when confronted with an abusive partner.
Couples who enter into Christian marriage do so by making vows to love, honor and cherish “until death do us part.” Many victims of domestic abuse believe that they cannot leave their spouse because of this commitment, despite the fact that the vow “to love, honor and cherish” is completely incompatible with patterns of violent and abusive behavior.
Misinterpretation and misuse of Christian scriptures and traditions have contributed to violence against women and children, to the guilt, self-blame, and suffering which victims experience, and to the rationalizations used by those who abuse. A re-examination of these misused passages can help us reclaim traditions in ways that support victims and challenge abuse in the family. We must treat with extreme care the important, but often misused concepts of suffering, forgiveness, and the nature of marriage and family. In our work at Hope and Justice Project, we have heard from some survivors that people close to them, sometimes clergy, advised them to forgive the violence done to them and accept the suffering caused by their abuser as their “cross to bear” in the interest of keeping the family together.
Clergy who are aware of the dynamics of domestic abuse and violence and have been trained to help victims and survivors can help them find strength and liberation in their faith tradition. Victims and survivors often hear the words of their clergy as authoritative, and messages from them regarding the sacred worth of all people provide a powerful message. To break free from an abusive husband or wife, people of faith seek to hear from their clergy that the covenant of marriage was broken by the person who used violence and abuse, not by the person who sought escape, refuge, and protection from their abusive spouse.
Unfortunately, domestic abuse and violence is widespread in our community, and those untouched by it are few. To be a Good Samaritan for the families affected by domestic abuse and violence, it is helpful to be informed about the resources available to you as a supporter and to the person directly affected by the abuse. The Hope and Justice Project staff is available to consult and provide educational programs for clergy and community groups as well as offering a full range of intervention and support services. We welcome the opportunity to train others in appropriate domestic violence response for the victims of abuse – the safety net is woven by all of us working together.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu said that in order for there to be justice, three conditions must be met: first – that the truth be told; second – that the harm be repaired; and third – that the social, economic, and cultural conditions that allowed the harm to occur be changed to prevent the harm from being done again. Our work – Hope and Justice Project with community partners, including our faith communities – is driven by this justice framework.
Courtney Chasse
advocacy coordinator
Madawaska
